Dear Higher Power

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Dear Higher Power,
I'm not quite sure what I believe from a religious standpoint, but I do think things happens for a reason, and I believe wholeheartedly in karma.  On that front, I want to make sure you understand where my head has been for the last week or so.
Admittedly, I was a little disappointed when I found out this precious baby growing inside of me was going to be another boy.  You see, Josh and I had firmly decided that this child would be our last, so this was our last attempt at having a girl.  A girl...with their adorable clothes, and hair bows, and potential for rainbow-themed birthday parties, and pedicures, and so on and so on...I know, all totally superficial stuff!  
So, when I bit into that cupcake and saw the blue frosting peering at me, my first reaction was a little sad.  But I want to make sure you clearly understand that I am 100000% aware of how lucky I am to be having a baby, especially one that looks as healthy as this one does.  I know this little boy will be as wonderful as my sweet Colton, and that I am so blessed to have the honor of raising these two into fine young men.  I recognize how lucky Colton is to get to have a brother, a forever friend to play with, and grow older with, and to deal with Josh and I with.  I wholeheartedly believe these things, so I don't want you to misinterpret my initial disappointment as anything more than a quick glib.  
I have occasionally looked at moms with their girls and wondered why I will not get that opportunity...there's probably no reason or maybe there is.  Maybe it's because I am better with boys or something.  
But ultimately, the reason or lack thereof doesn't matter...all that matters is that I have the wonderful opportunity to be a mom again...to love someone and be loved back in a way that is so special I can't even put it into words.  So, I want you to know in those moments of weakness, if you can read my thoughts and hear my jealousy at some cute little girl thing, that I really am better than that.  I can't control that initial reaction, but I can tell you I don't take for granted how lucky I am.
Thank you for all you have given me,
Michelle