I'm Scared

As of yesterday, there was officially one month to go until my due date.  In reality, though, Baby X will be here even before that...my C-section is planned for the last week of December, which means we have about three weeks to go!  I am excited to begin this next chapter, to finally meet this little boy, to expand our family, to get back to normal, and a whole lot of other things.
There is always a little apprehension heading into the birth of a new child, especially from a medical perspective, and I, of course, have those fears as usual.  But one would think that because this is the second time around, I would have very little fear of the actual motherhood aspects.  In a way that is true...Josh and I are old pros at diaper changing, baby schedules, feedings, and all other baby logistics.  So, while some of my fears from my first pregnancy have been curtailed (I remember then worrying that Josh and I would suck at parenthood and never be able to figure it out), new ones have crept up this time around:

*I'm scared that I won't be able to love this child as much as I love Colton.  Colton really has been a pretty perfect baby/toddler...he is easy-going, fun, cute, sweet...I honestly don't know how another child could be so fantastic!  Plus, I have been told repeatedly that the second child somehow always has a more challenging personality, and if Baby X's current activity level is any indication, we may have a big challenge on our hands!  I don't want to have a favorite child, but I really worry no one will ever be able to compete with my first-born.

*I'm scared that Colton's decreased attention will change his personality.  I wish we could explain to him what is about to happen, but being that he is only 20 months old, we really can't.  I know he is not the first child that will have to survive the addition of a new sibling, but I hope he doesn't get overly jealous, or resentful, or sad...that would break my heart!

*I'm scared that we will stop marveling in parenthood.  We have absolutely swooned over all of Colton's accomplishments, big and small.  I hope that we continue to delight in them, and find the same amazement in his brother's...how terrible would it be to just be like..."eh, look, he's crawling now..."

*I'm scared that we will never leave this house again.  Josh and I (and probably more so me) are get out and go types.  Colton was born in the spring, and within a few days, we were taking him out for walks, shopping trips, and even lunches and dinners out.  Baby X will be born in the winter, which already makes it harder to leave the house.  Plus, we will have a newborn AND toddler in tow this time, making each trip much more of an challenge.

*I'm scared that Colton and his brother's nap times won't match up and that I will lose my (much-needed) two-hour respite each day.

*I'm scared to endure the stress that two children (under 2 for that matter) will inevitably put on my marriage.  I  know Josh and I are strong enough to survive it, but I also remember how stressful those first few months can be...how you're overtired, overworked, and the easiest person to take it out on is my husband (or me for him).  We made it through once, and we'll make it through again, but I know there will be days that will just be no fun!

Despite my fears, I know that we are beyond blessed to be welcoming a new addition to our family.  I just hope we can give him (and his brothers) all that they deserve.  Fingers crossed, huh?!?