Dollar Bills, Y'all

Today is the day I address a seemingly taboo topic...money!  As much as I hate for it to be a factor, money is clearly a driving force in just about everything we do.
Last year, Josh had a pretty remarkable year at work and raked in quite a bit of the green stuff.  I was working at the time as well.   Between the two of us, then, we were able to enjoy a very nice lifestyle, spending with freedom, and still build up a substantial amount in our savings account.  As nice as the life of luxury was, though, I was bothered by the fact that I was missing out on my son's early years of life.  I constantly lamented to Josh that I would only get a chance to be a mom a couple of times (if we were even so blessed).  I was saddened daily by the fact that I only saw my son for about two hours a day...and most of that time was spent feeding him (and us), bathing him, and getting him dressed.  I was not being the kind of mom I had aspired to be and was constantly frustrated by it.
So, when we found out we were expecting Baby #2, we both made the decision that my working days were over, at least temporarily.  My teacher's salary hardly justified what we would pay to put two children in daycare, so the decision seemed pretty natural.
I love being a stay-at-home mom.  I am able to give my son experiences that I know he would not be getting otherwise.  We spend a lot of quality time together throughout the day...reading, or playing, or crafting.  On top of that, I am able to make family dinners for us nightly (that was another thing that really bothered me last year...we slowly turned into a takeout eating, get it done in 5 minutes family where I had always envisioned our family growing up with family dinners as a staple).  Plus, I feel like I have truly settled into my calling.  As corny as it sounds, I know I was meant to be a mom and just like most other things I take on in my life, I take great pride in it and do it to the very best of my ability.
However, all is not perfect.  Josh's income is largely bonus based, and this year, the bonuses have not been coming like they did last year.  Combined with the fact that I no longer am bringing in any considerable income, our savings account is slowly dwindling down.  I realize how fortunate we are that we are to even be able to support the basics on just one income, but we have had to scale back on some of the luxuries.  For now, vacations are out of the question, our Christmas budget is going to be pretty tight, and I have to carefully consider any and all purchases.  In short, we have to  be careful...something I'm not necessarily used to (on a side note, we just got word that Josh's salary is slated to go up considerably next year, so hopefully our tight strings will loosen some...YAY!)!
This didn't really bother me too much until last week when I was approached about taking a copy editing job online.  At first I was really excited about it because it was going to pay me well...well enough that we would have been making about what we did last year...and I could work from home.  When the opportunity didn't pan out, though, I started to look at the downfalls of the position, namely that while I would have been working from home and able to spend time with my boys, it still would have drastically changed what I was able to do with them.  Trips to the pumpkin patch or even the park would probably be out the window as I would have been tied to the computer throughout the days.  As much as I realize it is probably best (and certainly meant to be...I firmly believe everything happens for a reason) that this particular opportunity didn't come to be, I have since been especially eager to figure out a way to be a mom, the kind of mom I want to be, and contribute a little financially for our family and take some of the burden off my husband.  I even started a party planning business/website in hopes of using one of my passions/talents/hobbies to make a little moolah, but to be honest, I have very modest hopes for this new undertaking.
Honestly, I don't know what I hope to accomplish in writing this post.  I have said before that I mainly blog as a way of keeping a journal, so for the most part,  this was my way to vent.  But I also hope it helps all those moms out there, many of whom I know share my frustrations with either path.  Last year when I was working, I was completely jealous of the moms that got to stay home with their children.  I now realize that while that is certainly a huge privilege, nothing is perfect and there are sacrifices made even if you are staying home.
And finally, I guess I wrote it in case any of you have some insight out there...some magical opportunity that maybe I am missing out on?  If so, please share...I'm anxious to hear it!